Summer TV Preview

The following shows are returning this summer. Some are awful. Some I dont watch. And some are surprisingly decent.

Burn Notice (USA)
This supposed crime fighting series returns with it's gay-faced lead star playing a straight guy. For some reason everyone is buying it...I'm not.

Army Wives (Lifetime, or as I like to call it...shit)
For all three people who watch. As I like to call it...harpie wives propaganda for Republicans.

Denise Richards: It's Complicated (E)
It's not really though. You're just the worst kind of celebrity: delusional, boring and a fucking whorebag.

The Next Food Network Star (Food Network...duh)
Contestants compete to host their own show which will likely air 3Am on Saturdays. Unless they get lucky like the chubby dude at TGIF's. Still fun to watch though.

The Closer (TNT)
Nobody watches this? Oh ok.

Kathy Griffin: My Life On The D List (BRAVO)
The obnoxious and loud Kathy Griffin (who I idolize) is back with her addictive Emmy-winning reality show. Fucking love her.

True Blood (HBO)
Vampires abound. I've never seen it, but it looks fun. If you're into Twilight, you should check this out, then go get some taste. (Any excuse to bash Twilight)

Saving Grace (TNT)
Nobody really watches this either? Oh...sorry.

The Secret Life Of the American Teenager (ABCFAM)
Or as I like to call it...another show that's not nearly as interesting as my own teen years.

America's Got Talent (NBC)
And plenty of stupid people who watch shit like this.

The Real World: Cancun (MTV)
Okay, I still like the Real World, whatever, it's like an old friend. But please be better than last season's snoozefest.

Entourage (HBO)
For some reason Lil Wayne is now infecting his disgustingness on this show.

Big Brother (CBS)
If it's anything like last season (the best season ever) it'll be fucking genius. Or it could be a house filled with Dick and Danielle (Season 9) in which case my TV will be thrown out the window.

Hells Kitchen (FOX)
Whatever, the guy yells at people. So what. Put me in a kitchen with morons, give me a tv show, pay me millions to be a total douche, see what happens.

The Moment of Truth (FOX)
Or as I like to call it, the moment tv completely stepped over the line.

Mad Men (AMC)
I've never seen, but everyone seems to cum over it. I'll take their word.

America's Best Dance Crew (MTV)
A show I actually have nothing bad to say about. A showcase for true talent if there ever was one.

Project Runway (Lifetime)
Do I even get this network? I hope I do now.

Monk (USA or TBS or TNT or something)
This show needs to end.